Oiy veh! What A Week!!!

I wanted to take a moment and apologize for not posting. I have a tendency to shutdown when I am overloaded with stress, and I cannot cope with things. I have a lot going on in my personal life right now and am feeling down right now. I have been sick physically and it is starting to take a toll on my mental and emotional well being. The high pressure hose started leaking a week or so ago so I had to try to get it fixed this weekend and ended up spending the whole weekend fixing it.

I am also going through what I think is another heart hurt. I have been talking to someone who I was hoping would turn into something more, and just out of the blue he has stopped communicating with me. It is very weird and I don't know if I am just reading too much into it or my inner voice is telling me to not fall completely.

Anyways that is just two of the things I am stressing about this weekend. I am trying to catch up and I apologize to all of you.

Unit 3

1. Based on your reflections, and on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being optimal wellbeing), where do you rate your A-physical wellbeing, B-spiritual well-being, C-psychological well-being? Why?
This has actually been an overwhelming assignment for me; I am going to be very transparent with these questions because well, that is the only way I know how to be. So that being said I hope you do not think I’m a nut job ;0). On to the assignment….how would I rate my overall wellness.
A – Physical wellbeing: Well I would have to say if I measure my physical health today from what it was last year I would have to say it is at an 8-9. I went through 2 years of health problems, weight loss, pain, and many tests trying to figure out that I needed my gallbladder removed. Since February when they took the little sucker out I am doing much better. I still do not feel 100% though. My issue now is I have gained some weight since my surgery so I am feeling uncomfortable.
B - Spiritual well being: Unfortunately I would say this is at about 5-6 right now. I am actually ashamed to say that. I used to go to church every Sunday and try to attend all of the church seminars and programs. Then this past year hit me like a brick! I became angry with God about some emotional things which have been going on in my life and stopped going to church and communing with Him. I would not recommend this to anyone, but it is something which has happened to me. I would honestly have to say communing with God through prayer, fasting, and meditation is one of the most spiritually fulfilling things. I mean that is why we were created to commune and draw closer to God, right?
C – Psychological wellbeing: I would rate my psychological wellbeing right now at a 4-5. I know that sounds bad but, it is a lot better than it has been this past year. I have been going through a struggle this past year, but with help I am getting better and stronger.

2. Develop a goal for yourself in each area (physical, spiritual, psychological).
A- Physical wellbeing: Specific: I would like to lose 5 -10 pounds; Measurable: to watch my diet and find time to work out; Attainable: this goal is attainable as long as I stay focused and determined; Realistic: losing 5 – 10 pounds is a realistic goal as long as I stay focused and become less sedentary; Timely: losing this extra weight and toning up should not take that long. I should be able to lose a couple pounds within 1-2 months.
B- Spiritual wellbeing: Specific: to become closer to God; Measurable: to become closer to God I must get back to prayer, worship, and begin meditation in the word and thought. Attainable: becoming closer to God is an attainable goal, as long as I can find a quiet place and quiet time to focus. Realistic: Becoming closer to God and renewing my faith and spirituality is a realistic goal. I just need to begin and quiet my spirit again. Timely: I can begin to renew my spiritual growth right away. This class is helping me with this.
C- Psychological wellbeing: Specific: continue to attend therapy and take my medicine. Also move into a peaceful area where I can focus on me and not everyone else; Measurable: this is an ongoing goal so I am not sure how to measure this. I guess I could measure the moving part. I am planning on moving which is in part due to making me healthy, Attainable: moving to a place that I can renew myself is attainable by moving from the negativity I currently live in; Realistic: this is realistic and will happen; Timely: I have been postponing moving until I found a job; this is unrealistic so I will not postpone it any longer and will make my move within the next two months.

3. What activities or exercise can you implement in your life to assist in moving toward each goal? I will begin to do my yoga and exercise more regularly. I will focus on meditation and prayer, and I will continue to use meditation with my anxiety. I will also prepare to move away and start my new life journey.

4. Complete the relaxation exercise The Crime of the Century. To hear this exercise, click here. Describe your experience. (What it beneficial? Frustrating? etc.)
I really enjoyed this exercise. It is hard for me to get quiet time in my present living conditions. So I had to wait until no one was home to complete this. I had an easier time focusing and visualizing the colors. I had to really concentrate but was able to faintly see the colors of the rainbow. It is very hard for me to visualize things so I felt this was a n accomplishment. I also fell asleep at the end again .

Unit 2 - reflections

Welcome to my blog; this is the second class I have had to keep a blog in. I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts and experiences. In my past class we blogged either on the unit or things going on in our personal life.

I am really excited about learning the principles and techniques in this class. I plan on using them in my personal life, and also in my profession.

I really enjoyed the exercise Journey to relaxation. I am going to continue to use it. The only quiet time I found to try it was right before I went to sleep. I ended up almost falling asleep with my laptop still on in my lap :0). I have always found it hard to settle my thoughts long enough to concentrate on one thing(ADD they say), so this is something I need to really practice. I hope it is something I can learn because I believe it will help me in prayer and meditation.

AHH The Weekend!!

Ahh! What bliss the weekend is finally here. This week has been a struggle in some areas for me, but its all good in the hood now that Friday is here ;o). I started my fourth term this past Wednesday, and oh my what a doosie it is gonna be. I had my first A&P class and oh my is my instructor boring! It was like Ben Stine except not nasally. I hope this next 9 weeks go by fast. Oh and he is a stickler for rules, no personal this, or that, and you have to have one reference for each discussion class. I guess I got used to my past instructors having us use our brains for our own insight and thoughts not someone else.

Anyways I'm quite excited tonight! I love ice hockey for those of you who do not know, and my Philadelphia Flyers are making history tonight! They were down 0-3 in the play off series against the Bruins, and have managed to come back, tie the series, an force a game 7. If they win tonight they will be the 3rd team in all of NHL history to do so. So I am watching that game tonight! I can't wait.

Tomorrow I'm off to the beach with my only friend here in FL. We're going to enjoy the 91 degree weather, and have some drinks by the ocean. The only pleasant thing about living in FL or at least until the oil spill ruins our waters.

Boundaries anyone???

So About.com defines boundaries as the following: " The emotional and physical space that we place between ourselves and others." Why is this something that many have a hard time setting, and when set others have a hard time following? In my life I must admit I am learning how to set boundaries with people. I have always had a personality where I let people use me, dump on me and so forth and so on. When I do not do this I feel somehow guilty and like a bad person. I am learning to say no though :0), which I might add is a good thing.

Yet I find I get sucked into emotional crap on a daily basis by a certain unnamed friend. I mean I understand I'm your friend, I will be a shoulder for you to cry on but GOOD GRIEF I'm an office assistant not a therapist!!!!! If I say I'm sorry you are having a bad day I will contact you later, don't IM me two hours later to tell me your ex told his new girlfriend he loves her! I mean I know it hurts but the person who told you most definitely did it to hurt you. There is nothing you can do to change it! Just buck up and say he was a 33 yr old loser dead beat dad of 2 working at Chili's not doing anything with his life, who couldn't handle a strong female so he is now with a 20 year old. I mean can we say LOSER!!!!

These are the only words I can say. I can't do anything else, except turn my phone off so I can actually work! Should I really need to do this? I mean really? All I have to say is ..... BOUNDARIES ANYONE?????????

Fun, Family, Sun & Knitting

Well this weekend since it was my weekend "off" from school I lived it up ! My step sister graduated from the University of North Florida on Friday. She graduated with a Major in International Business Administration & a Minor in Spanish.I took Friday off work and drove up to Jacksonville for the day. I am very proud of her! She went to college the same year that she graduated high school, even though her mom passed away when she was 17. After the ceremony we spent the day together. I had a lot of fun with her and her friends. We went to something called A Margarita fest. It was basically like a wine tasting convention but for liquor. It was a lot of fun, there were tables everywhere and most of them had new un - released alcohol which they were showcasing.

Saturday morning my friend Jodi and I went to New Smyrna Beach for the day. It was really hot here in Central Florida this weekend like 90 degrees. Needless to say even though I used sunscreen an reapplied several times I got sunburned. I had fun though, I met some new people. So by Saturday night I was so exhausted I was asleep before midnight, and slept in until 9:30 this morning.Needless to say I have had a very unproductive day today. It basically consisted of me laying on the couch watching T.V.

Oh Well! A girl is allowed laziness sometimes, right?

F-I-N-A-L-S WEEK

Man I can't believe it, finals are here again!!! How time flies by when you are stressed, work a full time job, and are a college student. I can't believe I am about to finish my third term. It seems like yesterday I was logging into class for the first time.

I am having issues trying to get my final paper finished. I tried so hard to not make too many commitments this week, but yet again I have been trapped. I also am having issues focusing on it. Oh well I guess it is what it is. I will finish it before Tuesday ... maybe I need the sun to stand still like in the book of Joshua. Wish me luck

My continued journey to find my happy quiet place!

So in my present life journey I have been having a hard time finding my so called "quiet happy place". For those of you who do not know (which is probably everyone who is reading this) I currently rent a room from my mother. My older sister and her family live there to due to the economy. Needless to say the house is not the quiet peaceful place it once was. So I have been on a quest of sorts. 1 is to find a better job so I can move far far away (my Jenny from Forrest Gump prayer :p). 2nd in the meantime is to try to find happiness and peace in my chaotic environment. So since I cannot consume a cupcake every time I am stressed, I have decided to try Yoga.

My eldest sister has been telling me to try it for some time; she says in her ever too happy enthusiastic voice "Maggie, you should try Power Yoga! It's great, I love it; it will get your frustrations out!" Somehow the words Power & Yoga just don't seem like they should go together to me. It just sounds like torture to me!So instead last weekend when I had a mental meltdown, and raced to the mall for my gourmet S'mores cupcake I stopped into the local Barnes & Noble and purchased a 15 minute Yoga beginner's book w/DVD. I brought it home patting myself on the back with a new invigorated feeling of I can do this, this will get me back into shape, and I will become more flexible to boot. The book sat in the bag for a week! Sunday evening I finally decided to try it. I went over the exercises in the book, and then put the DVD on. ALL I have to say is OMG, I am so totally out of shape! Full bow position, downward dog there aint no way my body is doing those without screaming out saying "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WE LIKE BEING LAZY, IT WORKS FOR US, HAS FOR YEARS. HUH, YOU WANT US TO WORK, WE'LL SHOW YOU!" They sure did, I woke up Monday morning and was like wow! My muscles in my back and hamstrings were so sore! Seriously, I mean it was just stretching, right?

I decided I was not going to let my lazy muscles win! Instead when I got home from sitting on my butt all day yesterday, i was going to take all 3 dogs for a walk, and then do more Yoga. It has started getting humid here in hell oh I mean Central FL, so 1/2 a mile later I was sweating when I arrived back home. I decided I was going to do 2 sets of 15 minute Yoga routines, and I did. I managed to do the evening energizing routine, and the strengthening routine.It did not hurt as bad this time until last night. Oh the agony of sore muscles! I vow today that once I get into the routine of exercising everyday, I will never be this lazy again! Oh, and my sister bumped her head telling me I should try Power Yoga! If this is killing me could you imagine Power Yoga? I mean the thought just makes me shudder!

UUGGHH... I NEED A CUPCAKE!!!!

I so need a cupcake fix!!! If you have not figured it out yet I am a complete sweet alcoholic especially when it comes to cupcakes! I am an addict, if there was a cupcakes anonymous I would definitely have to become a member. Any ways the reason I need a cupcake is I am so mad at myself! I turned in the wrong file for my first draft. I submitted an outline to the instructor, and the discussion board instead of my paper. I need to find my happy place, and right now that lies within a CUPCAKE!

Easter weekend

Today is Saturday and I have so much to do. My trip to MD, really put me behind I was not feeling very well so it was hard for me mentally to do school work. So this weekend I must sit inside on a beautiful spring day,and cram. I am already behind since I attended an Easter play last night. It was a very moving and powerful play the drama team in my church performed. On a side note though I am really glad I did not participate in this one. The play was called Alive Again, and it was more about the resurrection of life one has after being saved. It started with Lazarus' death, and resurrection, and then jumped to Jesus' crucifixion.There were dancers, and a mime routine.It was very moving. They also performed the song Alive Again by Matt Maher. After the past two weeks I had it really touched me, and I am glad I went.

I do have to say though MD was gorgeous! I really miss the changing of the seasons. Here in FL we have two seasons the hotter than hell rainy season, or the drier hot season. All the Cherry Blossom trees and daffodils were blooming. When I see little things like that I remember how beautiful this world really is.

Leaving on a jet plane

Today I leave for Maryland. Usually I would be excited and happy about this, but sadly I am not. There is a sense of anxiousness and foreboding I am feeling, which is not good. I am going to support a friend, and say goodbye to another, yet I am full of uncertainties. Who will attend the funeral will it be another small town everyone come out because she was young, and it was tragic? Or will it just be those who became her friend after the high school drama. Somehow I hope it is the latter.It is never fun to attend a funeral, unfortunately I have attended more funerals, then weddings in my 30 years on this earth. Too many to count. This one is going to be especially hard for me. I am sick of attending friend's funerals. Anyway, that is where I will be this weekend. So if you think of me, please lift me up in your thoughts and prayers.

Today is a very sad day!

I am sorry this will be a very personal entry, and I'm sorry if it offends anyone.

Today started actually very nice; I woke up got ready for work, and went to work on time. Today started just like every other day. I even remarked on my Facebook page how beautiful the day here in FL was. Unfortunately the day did not turn out so beautiful. I got a call from my best friend back home in So. MD, and was told some very heart wrenching news. A friend that we went to high school with, and who lived with my mom and me for a while committed suicide today. Her name is Becki, and when we were friends she was so full of life and energy. She was married and had a little boy, and apparently within the past couple years became addicted to heroine just like so many others I knew.

See where I used to live has become ramp-id with narcotic abusers. People start out with small stuff then start crushing Oxycontin for the high. Then they start using the big H bomb. Unfortunately from what I have gathered since the first call at 4:45 pm Becki had succumbed to this life. I am not sure how it started, nor why she decided to end her pain. She decided to end her pain by hanging herself!All I know is to end your own life when you have a child you must be tortured terribly.

So this is to my Becki, I pray that you will finally know peace!R.I.P Becki Belcher

Monday Blues & reflections of self

Today is the dreaded Monday, I try so hard to avoid every weekend! Why does it seem to come so fast? Anyways I am sitting at my desk feeling somewhat down. Maybe it is from the triple shot non - fat caramel macchiato (I'm addicted to Starbucks BTW), and the additional cup of coffee that has finally worn off?

Some how while that may be part of the case, I think I am just bored with my life. I'm bored with my job, and bored with Orlando. I really want to move home to MD, I just do not want to go without a job ya know? I want to prove to my oh so co - dependent family that I CAN make it without them, and I am not going to go back to my old ways! If I go back there now, part of me just knows that my family will be judging me saying " look at Maggie, going back to So. MD, going back to all her dead beat ways"! This is not the case though. Yes I needed to move four years ago, but I've changed now. What should one do when they are single,and their responsibilities are school, a dog, a cat, and some credit card bills. Should I just say what the heck and just move? Or should I wait to get a good job? If a good job does not open up in this market, do I settle for working as a server again? Or do I say God doesn't want me to move? But then wouldn't God just want what makes me happy? If I am not happy living here is it truly God's will for me to continue to live here? These are the thoughts in my mind today, I know it probably sounds a bit crazy. Any ideas or thought feel free to share.

Birthday Cupcakes

Today is my sissy's birthday! Happy Birthday sissy!So I have decided to place more on my plate and make her homemade cupcakes!. I happen to <3 cupcakes, one might say I have a slight addiction to them even. I love them so much my last gallbladder attack was caused by Red Velvet cupcakes a co - worker made :). Any ways getting back to my sister's birthday. For Christmas I received a cupcake cookbook, and it has given me inspiration (HALLELUJAH)! I have decided to make her Banana Chocolate Dream cupcakes. So far this morning I have made the pastry cream for the filling, and gotten all the ingredients together. I have not completed it yet, and I hope they turn out good. I told everyone that if it doesn't I'll get a cake. SO either way she will have something. I have not completed them yet; I am waiting for the butter to get to room temperature. I did get all my ingredients together though so it should not take me to long. I will let you know how they turn out.Wish me luck!

Shrimp tacos

So I want to apologize for not posting for awhile. I just haven't felt it to be honest with you. This post I actually started to write about something that is bothering me about my family, but decided it may be considered too personal. Oh, and they might read it XD. So instead I decided to do a little bit of my own Julie & Julia and write about a dinner I made last week.

I was enlightened by two of my co-workers that Taco Bell now serves Shrimp tacos. This is a wonderful option for Friday lunch for those of us who practice the no meat on Fridays during Lent. We started talking and one of them asked me if I thought it was a healthy choice(they know my major is Nutrition Science), I told them I wasn't sure since I didn't know what the nutritional values are. After she looked it up I agreed it was a healthier choice than most of their options but the values are not good, because of the ratio of fat to calories, and the sodium.

That conversation inspired me to create my own a lighter version. So I began my journey. I purchased corn tortillas, peeled Rock shrimp (on sale), fajita seasoning, a Poblano pepper, red onions, Habanero peppers, limes,nice firm avocados,some peaches, and of course some Plantains.

I decided to make a Avocado, peach salsa for the tacos, since I wanted more of a lighter summer feel to the dish. I sauteed the Poblano pepper and red onion w/ a touch of garlic, and also sauteed the shrimp, w/ very little olive oil. I did fry the Plantains, but used olive oil and not much, just enough to coat the pan.

I served the tacos w/o cheese or sour cream. Instead of using sour cream I have figured out that fat free yogurt tastes very similar. I used just a small amount of the fat free yogurt to coat on each of the soft corn tortillas.

The finished product was wonderful, and very flavorful. I wish I had taken a picture to share with you. This was actually a dish that did not take long to make, and by making it myself, I can control the bad fat, good fat, and sodium levels.

Next time I make them I will post a picture.

IT'S FRIIIDAAAYYY

Yea!!! It's Friday, I love Friday I am sooo glad it is finally here. This week seemed like it crawled by, or at least the hours I've been at work it has. Last night was a nice night my Auntie came down from MD so I got to spend some time with her which was nice. I have a friend from middle school that is in Orlando this weekend as well. We are supposed to get together Saturday night at City Walk, and get our drink on:).It seems I have a lighter school load this week, so I will be able to manage a night out. Maybe I will post some pictures of my night out, I promise I will not get too crazy!

Phoebe is leaving

So yesterday started out very relaxing, well as relaxing as one can be not being a morning person. I got ready for work, and stopped by Starbucks to get my non fat Caramel Macchiato (I'm slightly addicted). Got to work, and started my uneventful, slightly boring day at Microtips.All was well in the land of LCD manufacturing accept my contact at our factory in Taiwan is leaving on Friday. Seriously? I thought to myself, Phoebe leaving that can't be! Phoebe has been my right hand at the factory for as long as I have worked for Microtips which has been 4 years in June. It is very difficult to communicate with someone who speaks little English, and work with the Chinese/Taiwanese business mentality.In the past 4 years Phoebe has been able to realign herself to the way American business is run. Now we have to revert to trying to communicate with Sharon. I am very frustrated to say the least. In the first couple emails I have received from her she has totally misunderstood, and I have to re explain myself. Ugghh!

So there went my relaxing boring day at work.

Well tonight is the play; the play I will be in is called Changing Sunday Morning. My friend Evanda wrote it, and we will be performing it this evening at our church. The play is a comedy about the most divided day in America, Sunday Morning. I have a non - speaking role in the play, but it is still a big deal for me. I hate to be in front of people, especially in a performance. Wish us luck, I will post how it goes.

My first week back to school

So this week I started my third term at college. This in itself would not normally be so crazy, but it just so happens that nothing is how it should be in my life. This term I start honors classes (yea me), which in itself is stressful and more work (like I have time for more work). I also signed up to help my friend in a play, a few weeks ago not realizing when the performance would be. This weekend has turned into a very busy weekend. Friday night I had play rehearsal until midnight, didn't get home until almost 1am. Saturday I still had to get up by early to work on school so I could attend a baby shower. Then on Sunday there was a special guest at church Mr. Simon T. Bailey. I have to be back across town by 5 pm Sunday evening for the play at 7pm. My goodness when am I gonna get a break!